Does anyone remember the 'use this word in a sentence' portions in the ICSE Engish exams. I imagined our english teachers, either a) laughing uproariously or b) crying copiously (depending on their personalities) when grading these talented efforts.

Incidentally, I mucked up one of these sections. The word was 'cliche'. I misread it as 'clinch' (hold fast/make final/to embrace). Of course, I decided to use the lesser known latter meaning. I remember Rhett Butler making his appearance in that sentence. In my defense it was a timed exam and I exhibit poor judgement at the best of times (consider this a warning if you are ever sharing the road with this papaya and her papaya-mobile). It was only much, much later that the thought of the aged male lit teacher, let's call him GarrulousG, reading that sentence made me cringe ....

GarrulousG was one of those teachers who idolised English as the language of Shakespeare and Byron yada yada yada and once described the meaning of misogyny to the class with great relish. I forgot abt the exam soon enough, but it later became obvious that my innocent little sentence was the Hermione to his Malfoy (without using the obvious cliche here) ...

Came the day of the PTA meeting and Garrulous triumphantly pulls out my exam, handling it like a potential anthrax carrier. I saw a section of the paper marked all through with red and my face started achieving a similar hue. Garrulous read The Sentence out loud to my father and spat out the fatal words 'This is what comes of reading too many novels', following this obscure observation (I mean, what comes??) with a lecture on inculcating good reading habits (like good vanilla, ever notice how a reading habit always needs a qualification), describing a book-arrest of sorts for me, all blaringly delivered for the benefit of scores of interested classmates and their bored parents.

That I was largely unscathed (only my reading choices affected and often accompanied by guilt for about a decade) was all due to DearDad. Peeping at him, I saw polite interest and was joyfully relieved. That expression on his face meant Garrulous could have had a background track of crickets chirping and Dad wouldnt have known the difference, he was antsy over G wasting his time when he could have been speaking with the REAL teachers, the Math and Science ones that is ... and I was going to be allowed to continue with my very own reading habit, be it a good one or a BAD one.

I did learn though never to skim over any exam questions ..... and to think twice before I got carried away on the tide of my own cleverness :S

Anyway, the only reason this memory popped into my head was because I started reading The Duke by Gaelen Foley. It's best described as Hollywood Cliche Central. Authors making use of obvious cliches is a no-no at the best of times, what do you say when readers have apparently lapped up this book? Yes, You, Amazon-Reviewer-Who-Gushingly-Gave-This-5-Stars, I'm talking about You. Lovers bellowing names anguishedly outside windows. Soulful gazing into each other's eyes at a dance while the world blurs away. The sudden realisation of love and running feverishly into someone's arms followed by a make-out session. A white horse and a proposal. Didnt horses in a romance go out with Lochinvar?? Stopped reading.

Next, I read Elyza by Clare Darcy. Every conceit Heyer ever used made it's appearance in the first few pages. Stopped reading.

Brick Lane by Monica Ali was my attempt at tempering all the lighter stuff I was reading. It was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize in 2003. To someone unfamiliar with London, Brick Lane is to Bangladeshis what Southall is to the Punjabis (or Chinatown is to the Chinese :). The book has been made into a movie starring Satish Kaushik, and I was really looking forward to reading it.

Now, I cannot review this book since I didnt complete it, I just sped-read through and skimmed over other parts (never said the skimming was entirely useless) so I have a basic idea of the story. I couldnt really get into the author's writing style and while I was hoping for a portrayal of the Bangladeshi immigrant community, the book is more concerned with the life of the protagonist, Nazneen, who marries a man twice her age and settles down with him in Brick Lane. All very dull and dreary. I laughed (in disbelief) when a Bangladeshi mid-wife is described as being so hungry she could have eaten the baby she delivered, the single light (?) spot in a depressing narrative.

Gah! 3 lousy reads in as many days. I think, tonight, I'll paint my nails instead.

If it was the doodhwala come to collect his payment a day early, she was going to kill him, she thought savagely. Wasnt a body entitled to a sleep-in on their birthday?

A young boy was standing on the doorstep grinning widely.

"For you, madam," he said, carrying two flower arrangements.

He seemed to think it a matter of congratulations that she had rated not one, but two, and his joy at bringing these excellent tidings was palpable. She sighed, no she really couldn't send him away with a flea in his ear. Instead she handed over a generous tip.

Both were orchid arrangements, that sensuous, elegant flower she loved. These could only have come from two men. Even the flowers they contained revealed something about the personalities of the senders. One had the most vivid selection of orange & yellow orchids, the colours clashing together in a harmony of exuberance and joy, while the orchids in the second arrangement were a pure stately white.

She pulled out the cards, laughed out loud at the first which had a sappy love poem and was signed flamboyantly - Akash, while the other one said simply 'Have a nice day, R'. Rajan, Rajan, she thought, mentally shaking her head at him. Private & reserved as usual.

After arranging them in the living room to her satisfaction, she wondered about the rest of the day. On a sudden impulse, she called the magazine and took the day off. When was the last time she'd treated herself on a birthday? She had a dinner date with Akash, but now was for her alone. Akash's gift this year was a package at the exclusive Kavya salon. She would go today, get pampered, get her hair done, so she would be glowing in the evening.

Thinking of Akash, in her eyes, he was perfect - intelligent, thoughtful, kind, generous, loving. She and Rajan had a standing date on their birthdays, this changed slightly after the divorce. When Akash found out he had been swift to continue the tradition. Rajan wasnt backward these days, but he wasnt in the city and she loved Akash for wanting to make it special for her. She wondered if she would tell him, Rajan had been giving out some very direct hints about getting back together and she kept putting the decision off.

Who would have thought at the time of their divorce that they would ever be at this point now? It had been particularly acrimonious, two strong controlling personalities determined to hurt the other person worse, but their little boy had been the saving grace. Both loved him dearly and their determination to shield him had caused them to bond again and they had grown into a very easy-going and honest friendship. They could talk to each other about anything under the sun, from career decisions, monetary matters, to discussing their various relationships.

Truth to tell, they were now even better friends since the divorce and this was one of the reasons why the decision was so difficult. Did she want to lose such a hard-earned friend? She hadnt married all these years, hadnt even came close.

But, this was Rajan, she had carried a torch for him over the years, they'd been through a trial by fire together .... and that their son was so well-balanced was proof of how well they did together. Her boy was perfect allright, she thought fiercely, wiping away the easy tears surreptitiously. The girl, Sarita, massaging her gave her a startled look, but she closed her eyes and allowed the repetitive massaging soothe her back into happy somnolence.

Driving home, she thought ruefully that Sarita must have had magic hands and had bewitched her. What else could explain the nail polish colour she currently sported, Purple Passion??? She gazed at her feet aghast anew, ever since the divorce she had been a Bashful Brown or a Pretty in Pink. Akash wouldnt notice, but Rajan would, he always noticed everything about her. Was her subconscious sending her signals ? She would think about it later, HAD to think about it later, for now she would concentrate on a pleasant evening.

She selected a deep purple, crushed silk saree with golden undertones to the rich colour, tinted her lips with a matching shade, delicately applied mascara and was just slipping her feet into a pair of particularly frivolous sandals when she heard the door open. Akash bounded up the stairs, handsome in a charcoal-gray suit with the special smile he reserved for her and enveloped her in a bear hug.

"Happy birthday, gorgeous!," he said, his eyes twinkling warmly as he bent to kiss her.

She laughed, delighted "So, where are we going?" as he ushered her out of the house.

"The Blue Dahlia. I know how you love sushi, Ma!"