Of Pets and Papayas!

You might think it's hard being 'festively plump' in a tropical climate, but try being so in the dead of winter in the sub-zero-freezer-I-call-home. When every time one steps out of the house one adds layers to one's ever-increasing girth, once referred to admiringly as a silhouette, now known unkindly as a pillar. When a chance peek at the mirror evokes a gasped 'chunky-monkey' and one hastily pretends one was day-dreaming of Messrs. Baskin and Robbins before fingers start pointing out the truth behind the chunkiness (the monkeyness is up for grabs). When a spontaneous photograph showcases one's swollen features shoving 5 other people out of the frame. When one is forced to watch anorexic stick-figures sashaying down the street in mini-skirts and knee-high boots as a direct challenge to the Elements and CouchPapayas ....

No doubt, the 3 dedicated readers of this blog have guessed that I fell off the diet-wagon on my vacation.

It happened as soon as I stepped onto the tarmac at aamchi Mumbai, breathed in a delighted lungful of invigorating desi air when in the midst of all the tepid carbon came the unmistakeable siren beckonings of fat, juicy corn on their cobs spluttering lustily on a roadside grill. And my inner Bhakasura which had been ruthlessly kept controlled for ever so long, frankly, shed off the shackles and ROARED.

So, we i.e. my pet bhaka and me, decided to make up for 3 months of a spartan existence in 3 weeks. We ate puchka's at the dirtiest road-side stalls, vada paav, misal paav, jhaal muri & sundry chaats anywhere we could find them, malpua's, mahim halwas and every manner of roadside sweet discriminating against none, dosas and idlie-sambhars but of course, and even some kwai (supari) carved with a knife sporting the most intrinsically vivid ferrous-decoration I have yet had the pleasure to behold. Or hold. Mention must be made of the green chilly icecream, apparently popular in Maharashtra, a dubious experience which this Papaya (and her bhaka) vows never to try again.

Generally - being quite the humble person - any compliments coming my way re. weight used to be taken for the conversational gambits they were ie. with the entire salt-shaker. But, this time, actually believing in my own hype, all caution was flung to the wind with the end-result that I am back home, many kgs heavier all of which has seemed to accumulate in my face making it remarkably porcine in appearance the direct result of which was shown in the aforementioned and immediately deleted photographs!!! Stupid omnipresent camera phones.

So, before the celebrated pachydermal Hatari tune becomes a permanent background score when the Papaya is out and about, one realises that one has to embark on that slow, tortuous cycle of deprivation and exercising every muscle other than the over-used ones of the mandibles. Again. Tonight's menu boiled kohlrabi and a single chapatti. Sob.

Possibly the sole bright spot is the discovery of my Guts of Steel. Scoffing at dire warnings and implied delicateness of said Guts, I decided the test my endurance the very day I landed. With the result that I have an immense respect for the li'l tame bacteria crowding around my pet no doubt acquired as a result of eating all that roadside gobhi-manchurian cooked in rancid oil in one's salad days.

Hail Unknownus bacillus, may your tribe increase!!

11 comments:

Angel's Flight said...

Oh back in cold weather!! on the bright side...the weather does allow one to cover up ...summer not so forgiving....I hate the cold and yet I am not looking forward to summer !! *sigh*

Anycase...now that you took the trouble of describing the yummy roadside treats....I should also take minimal effort and drool!....and wonder 'Mumbai when weill I see u again?'

eye-in-sty-in said...

absolutely hilarious! The post, not your plight. Because the airline didnt allow you to take extra pounds in the suitcase, were you trying to get your money's worth on the return flight by packing on the kilos to ur self!

Sorry, cannot resist a leg-pulling no matter how heavy it is :D

On the bright side, your post got me out of a gloomy mood today! Thanks!

WhatsInAName said...

oh well! How I love winters even if I end up looking ROUNDER! Now THIS was the comment I got on sharing the snaps after a winter vacation in Hongkong ;)
But seriously, I missed that Mahim Halwa :( Too bad!
And dear dont you worry! Life is a sine curve; what goes up must come down and same goes for weight too (lets keep our fingers crossed) :)

avdi said...

No No WIAN, Things thrown up in air will come down, but not weight.. but not weight. Sigh..

Every year I seem to accumulate 5kg.. Every year I resolve to ATLEAST GET BACK TO THE PREV YEARS WEIGHT.. sob sob..

Papi pet .. errr bhaka, err dearie, get off your couch n go for a run.. That is the only thing to be dun... to get a load off off you.

Mama - Mia said...

:D

am sure even with all your exaggeration you aint as fat as i call myself when being remotely honest! :p

and you had fun eating!! thats what matters! :D

cheers!

abha

Smita said...

I am not supposed to grin on the fact that u defaulted on your dieting regime??? Ok I will control myself....

*grinning* :-D

Boiled food??? Aww!!!! u sure u r not missing the yummy Indian food??

Good Luck girl!!!

couchpapaya said...

all u lovely peoples: sorry for not replying earlier. thanks for all the votes of sympathy or even the outright laughs. we papayas live to please. next time no whiny post, i promise :)

samir said...

CP :
LOL at your eating, you must have a cast iron stomach. So this is where you ate cilli ice cream, did not catch on earlier.
Boiled kohlrabi & a single chapati, Tsk. Tsk.; at least add a glass of wine to it --- will help drown the sorrows.
Samir

couchpapaya said...

samir - will keep the alcohol in mind, might need something stronger to drown my food in :S

Bouncing-Bubble said...

this post comes when I'm struggling to fit into my old clothes. er, well, am actually NOT struggling.

btw u made me drool!

couchpapaya said...

bubbles - great to see u !!! cmon we need updates from ur side, i'm sure u'll have plenty of experiences to write about now :)

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